Say something about gay babies.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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