I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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