Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
