Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
