I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I understand Curling. That high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
