He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
