have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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