She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
