Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize