He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
