I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
