I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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