How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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