Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
