Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
