I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize