If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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