so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
