Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
God I need to hump something, right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
