he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
