ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
