Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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