hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
