was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
