this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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