why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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