I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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