I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I just put wine in my tea
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
