The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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