I hate all girls vehemently.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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