I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
