i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
