dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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