It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
