I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
