I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
high people should be assigned attendants
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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