soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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