Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
