then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
