I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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