I could have mohawked her pubes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
