mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
