I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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