Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
