I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
