My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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