I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
