I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
