hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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