I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
