And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
