I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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