so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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