talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
