Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
