i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
