So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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