I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
