we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
