eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
