Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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