I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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