Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
