I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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