I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
