Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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