My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
